- If it is all the same to you I won't be coming in
to work. The voices told me to clean all the guns today.
|
- When I got up this morning I took two Ex-Lax in
addition to my Prozac. I can't get off the john, but I feel good about it.
|
- I set half the clocks in my house ahead an
hour and the other half back an hour Saturday and spent 18 hours in some kind of
space-time continuum loop, reliving Sunday (right up until the explosion). I was
able to exit the loop only by reversing the polarity of the power source exactly
e * log(pi)
clocks in the house while simultaneously rapping my dog on the snout with a
rolled up Times. Accordingly, I will be in late, or early.
|
- I can't come in to work today because I'll be
stalking my previous boss, who fired me for not showing up for work. OK?
|
- I have a rare case of 48-hour projectile leprosy,
but I know we have that deadline to meet...
|
- I am stuck in the blood pressure machine down at
the Food Giant.
|
- Yes, I seem to have contracted some
attention-deficit disorder and, hey, how about them Skins, huh? So, I won't be
able to, yes, could I help you? No, no, I'll be sticking with Sprint, but thank
you for calling.
|
- Constipation has made me a walking time bomb.
|
- I just found out that I was switched at birth.
Legally, I shouldn't come to work knowing my employee records may now contain
false information.
|
- The psychiatrist said it was an excellent
session. He even gave me this jaw restraint so I won't bite things when I am
startled.
|
- The dog ate my car keys. We're going to hitchhike
to the vet.
|
- I prefer to remain an enigma.
|
- My mother-in-law has come back as one of the
Undead and we must track her to her coffin to drive a stake through her heart
and give her eternal peace. One day should do it.
|
- I am converting my calendar from Julian to
Gregorian.
|
- I can't come to work today because the EPA
has determined that my house is completely surrounded by wetlands and I
have to arrange for helicopter transportation.
|
- I am extremely sensitive to a rise in the
interest rates.
|
- I refuse to travel to my job in the District
until there is a commuter tax. I insist on paying my fair share.
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